S05.E02. The Break Up Bunch (Part 2)

DON'T BE LIKE THE REST OF THEM DARLINGS.

ZSA ZSA


EPISODE 2 OPENS UP WITH THE CHARLESTONIANS GETTING READY FOR SHEP'S BIG BOY BIRTHDAY PARTY. 

As Thomas and his rebound eye candy drive to the party, Ashley forgot to drink a drink - because her thirst comes across screen to the point- hey get someone a hose!  She throws out "hints" on being the permanent caretaker of Kathryn's children as Thomas' wife- because this is so much cheaper and easier than staffing problems. She questions why Thomas has to clear the nanny with Kathryn's input. Oh, maybe because she contributed DNA to the making of those babies- hence why people arrange co-parenting agreements even down to when other dating candidates are arranged to meet the children. Oh, and poor Kathryn- the only item that Thomas was willing to give in on about the firing of the nanny was when it got too awkward that he stopped dating her daughter. It was the one night stand that never leaves- you get to see them every morning along with the awkwardness.

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The dinner party continues with the hired help- you know Craig working the grill while Shep treats the dinner like the homecoming princess he always saw himself as. If Craig's Etsy Shop doesn't take off, he maybe Patricia's next butler.

Craig yet again shows why he is truly the classier gentleman of the group- that money doesn't buy you class- when he explains why he didn't bring a date. He wanted to show respect to Naomie and not bring a date. 

Naomie tells the camera she wanted to see more broken heartedness from him after their relationship dissolved. Translating this- she fully tore down his self-esteem and wanted to revel in the results. She wanted to see him suffer more like you know she was. 

Ashley looks like a moth (a very basic beige vanilla one) as she nervously fluttering around in the back scenes- knowing that the rival is about to arrive- the one that she is trying to pretend didn't happen and the one she is constantly trying to compare herself as "Hey look at me I am the most UN-Kathryn" you can get. Thomas is smirking because all he wants to do is make Kathryn jealous. Score one for him- he thinks. 

The tribe of break-up girls come in like a gang of cats- they fan out, tails up knowing they are all going to see their ex's....or maybe it was more like an episode of Total Divas and the Royal Rumbles of WWE is about to happen. 

Chelsea saddles up to the bar like a confident cowboy- oh Austen, you need to back up there boy Chelsea's um gun I bet would be way bigger than yours. 

Thomas is like a 7th grader all over Ashley to continue his campaign of showing off- he needs to go back to politics or get a job because he has too much time on his hands leaving the kids with the nannies and chasing younger women. Keep the mind games for the political arena. Cameron keeps receiving multiple compliments from TrAshley who is acting like she is 7th grade as well with giggles and forgetting her nursing training to recognize a 9 month pregnant woman. 

Poor Kathryn is still in love with Thomas- that is her Mr. Big. Can I tell her honey- in real life- you outgrow Mr. Big along with your size 0 skinny jeans, Disney princess dreams and daddy issues. 

JD is giving pregnancy advice to Cameron about drinking a glass of wine a night- you know because he has gone through 4 of the pregnancies. If the Charleston gossip is true, his wife needed that and more to get through some of his antics. His successful business-family man- husband image is cracking - who provided many a time of guidance to Thomas when he didn't have a brain or was letting the "other" one do the thinking. Thomas has remained pretty silent on the subject- despite watching his life coach stumbling- probably because he is relieved another middle aged man is taking the arrows of the Charleston society; he is so naughty, but he is rich so it is acceptable.

The girls hate JD. Now, for all the shenanigans that Thomas has been involved in (including cocaine, young women, run-ins with the law) and NONE of them has ever called him but to defend him. For these polite southern women to be so obvious, and risk the wrath with the Grand Dame Lady Patricia Astor herself- either all of them are projecting their breakups- or they have been privy to some serious inside information of that break-up. Naomie lights into JD- not only with the single, without children, ire but also as a recently broken up woman herself; projecting the pain of broken Pinterest wedding boards. Chelsea, Naomie, Danni and Kathryn all rally around like a pack of hyenas jumping on him. BravoTV becomes Animal Planet real fast just missing the dude who gives commentary telling us what the animals are doing. Whitney and Austin shrug their shoulders like two little boys telling their mom Mikey did it. No words. They definitely left their foxhole buddy to the enemy fire.

Kathryn and Thomas are hashing out nanny training by the bar. Where is Nanny McPhee when you need her? Keep her older so Thomas doesn't try to sleep with her- but then again she may have a daughter. He took it on himself to hire and make decisions without notifying her before his girlfriend. Maybe it is actually Thomas' plan to impregnate younger women thinking they will continue to validate his intelligence superiority because his father considers him to be the youngest and dumbest. Mmmm...maybe Thomas is the one with the daddy issues and not just the grandfather issues of these young ladies are coming into play. 

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Ashley comes up on the two co-parents hugging, wearing a bridal up do to show Thomas what he is going to be getting down the aisle. I really think that will push him to put a ring on that naked finger.  I wonder if she upgraded her LinkedIn Account like Landon did when she was applying for the position of Mrs. Ravenel  

Cameron maybe softening around her mouthpiece edges for Whitney now that she is becoming a mother. Maybe she will realize that his strong opinion against Kathryn comes from hurt pride of being rejected and Patricia's glimmer of seeing herself in Kathryn- all the things she doesn't like about herself and tried to cover up with kaftans and morning cocktails. Or maybe it is the willingness of  Kathryn to be open with her parenting struggles with Thomas and every late teen/early 20s bad decision to be paraded for the cameras is basically the bread and bourbon for the show and bringing in a paycheck for everyone.

Thomas follows Ashley to the bathroom- together. They make a big  formal statement of leaving the table and letting the party goers in the living room know. I don't think Saint's birthday got this much of a Walmart birth announcement sent out. His children's mother is downstairs- and he is fornicating as a revenge screw- how classy. Oh my gosh, I regret now my parents didn't sign me up for cotillion. It is so convenient that Thomas pays Ashley's rent already- so he can see how it impacts his finances to have two mothers of his children. It is also further economical he tries to cut support for the one to pay for the newer one. So economical! 

Whitney tells Craig to put a muzzle on his ex girlfriend after going off on JD for his behavior; Craig takes Naomie aside and tells her she is did the right thing- and he would have done the same thing. Hence, why Craig will never get to sit at the big boy table at the Country Club or Yacht Club with the other good old boys. 

MORGAN ISLAND: REAL LIFE PLANET OF THE APES

In 1979, the Herpes B virus swept through the population of monkeys in the Caribbean Primate Research Center located in  La Paguera, Puerto Rico. Some of these monkeys had actually reportedly escaped the facility into the local area. Outbreaks among the locals would occur when the monkey populations would become excessive. 1,400 rhesus monkeys were shipped to an island located off of South Carolina. Each year about 750 newborns are born and now the population on Morgan Island is now about 4,000. The land is protected by the federal government going on 30 years. Researchers are the only people allowed on the island- who tag the monkeys and remove about 500 a year to use for medical testing. 

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Morgan Island is 4,489 acres located between the Morgan and Coosaw RIvers. A 370-acre maritime forest is the primary area where the monkey colony resides- in case you get lost while fishing. The US Food and Drug Administration (USFDA) owns the monkeys. 

The medical testing that the monkeys have been instrumental in have included vaccines, polio, AIDS and bio-terrorism. The island is well protected due to the controversy of animal testing. And if civilians do try to "break" onto the island- the monkeys do not take well to outsiders as part of their natural territorial nature. 

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